Yesterday I asked my parrot, Hawthorne, what he wants for Christmas.
H: I wanna Grapple
Me: You like Grapples?
H: And cheese.
Me: Anything else?
H: Chicken breast on bread
Me: So, for Christmas, you want a Grapple, a chicken sandwich, and some cheese?
H: Cheese on a cracker.
Me: Seems like birdies think with their stomachs, like Labradors. Maybe you’re a Labrador!
H: (big razzberry noise) Chirping birdie! Chirp! Chirp! (He says the word “chirp”.)
Me: Well, I’ll get the message to Santa.
H: Perch, too.
Me: You want a new perch?
H: Blue perch for birdie (bobs head) (aside: blue perches are made from calcium and other safe consumables and help keep toenails trimmed and birds like to scrub their beaks on them)
Me: You must think you’ve been really good this year.
H: Hawthorne’s a good birdie! (loud whistle) A GOOD birdie! (many chirps)
Me: Oh, my!
H: I’m a good boy.
Me: Yes, you are.
Me: Yes, Hawthorne?
H: I’m a good boy?
Me: Yes, Hawthorne, you’re a very good boy.
H: (big happy whistles) Pretty Hawthorne, pretty birdie! Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho!
Me: Very pretty Hawthorne.
H: Love the birdie! (smooching noises)
Me: I love you Hawthorne. Kisses for Mommy? (kiss him on the beak)
H: Wanna Grapple.
Me: I won’t forget.
Yes, in case you’re wondering, I am sappy and sentimental enough to have knit stockings for my pets – I try to match them to the personality or appearance of each entity – Hawthorne’s is gray with a white toe and cuff and a red heel.