Christmas Eve Special: Birdie Wishes

Yesterday I asked my parrot, Hawthorne, what he wants for Christmas.

H: I wanna Grapple

Me: You like Grapples?

H: And cheese.

Me: Anything else?

H: Chicken breast on bread

Me: So, for Christmas, you want a Grapple, a chicken sandwich, and some cheese?

H: Cheese on a cracker.

Me: Seems like birdies think with their stomachs, like Labradors. Maybe you’re a Labrador!

H: (big razzberry noise) Chirping birdie! Chirp! Chirp! (He says the word “chirp”.)

Me: Well, I’ll get the message to Santa.

H: Perch, too.

Me: You want a new perch?

H: Blue perch for birdie (bobs head) (aside: blue perches are made from calcium and other safe consumables and help keep toenails trimmed and birds like to scrub their beaks on them)

Me: You must think you’ve been really good this year.

H: Hawthorne’s a good birdie! (loud whistle) A GOOD birdie! (many chirps)

Me: Oh, my!

H: I’m a good boy.

Me: Yes, you are.

H: Mommy?

Me: Yes, Hawthorne?

H: I’m a good boy?

Me: Yes, Hawthorne, you’re a very good boy.

H: (big happy whistles) Pretty Hawthorne, pretty birdie! Yo ho ho ho ho ho ho!

Me: Very pretty Hawthorne.

H: Love the birdie! (smooching noises)

Me: I love you Hawthorne. Kisses for Mommy? (kiss him on the beak)

H: Wanna Grapple.

Me: I won’t forget.

Yes, in case you’re wondering, I am sappy and sentimental enough to have knit stockings for my pets – I try to match them to the personality or appearance of each entity – Hawthorne’s is gray with a white toe and cuff and a red heel.