Bird Witted

Hawthorne’s been chatty lately. Just as an FYI, he likes to let loose with words that are easy for a critter with no lips to say – words with hard, crispy sounds are easiest for him, so he makes up his own compound nouns like chickenwaffle or turkeycracker. He also likes higher tones and sliding up and down the vocal scale.

I’m not going to anthropomorphize him to the extent that I think he truly understands conversation. I do know that he associates certain phrases with certain people and certain times of the day. He also seems to be pretty good at understanding the sequence of question/response that we non-befeathered entities practice regularly.

Here are some little Hawthorne moments we’ve recently enjoyed:

(Doodle in kitchen getting a snack)

Hawthorne: I want some chirp wappies.
Doodle: What’s a chirp wappy?
Hawthorne: It’s a turkey nibble.
Doodle: I don’t have any. Where would I find turkey nibbles?
Hawthorne: On a cracker.
Doodle: Which cracker?
Hawthorne: Graham crackers.
Doodle: I don’t think we have any. No graham crackers, Birdie.
Hawthorne: Waffles.
Doodle: We’re out of waffles, too.
Hawthorne: Chicken.
Doodle: What kind of chicken?
Hawthorne: Chicken breasts.
Doodle: I don’t know that we have any cooked already.
Hawthorne: Wet chicken breasts.
Doodle: That’s nasty.
Hawthorne: (laughs uproariously)

(Hawthorne alone in kitchen, Bunny in her bedroom off the kitchen)

Hawthorne: BUNNY!
Bunny: What?
Hawthorne: C’mere!
Bunny: NO!
Hawthorne: OK. Brush your teeth and take a shower.
Bunny: Geez, no, I’m reading.
Hawthorne: GO TO BED!
Bunny: No, Hawthorne, it’s too early!
Hawthorne: Do your homework.
Bunny: I already did it, you whacky bird!
Hawthorne: C’mere!
Bunny: No, I’m reading! I already told you that!
Hawthorne: (sounding upset) I don’t have any hair.
Bunny: (busts out laughing, gives up and comes into kitchen) No, you don’t.
And you don’t have any pants, either! Silly!
Hawthorne: Aw. Uh-oh.
Bunny: You have soft gray feathers all over your body.
Hawthorne: Kiss the birdie.
Bunny: No, you’ll bite off my lips!
Hawthorne: You’re a sweetheart!
Bunny: MOM! The bird’s flirting with me!
Hawthorne: (chuckles) Almond. Almond for birdie?
Bunny: Honestly. Why didn’t you just ask for an almond in the first place?
Hawthorne: I’m whacky! (flaps wings, bobs up and down and laughs)

(Spawn, early in the morning, just exiting bedroom, which is within Hawthorne’s line of sight)

Hawthorne: SPAWN! C’mere!
Spawn: Hey, Chirpmasta, how’s it going?
Hawthorne: What’re you doing?
Spawn: Getting some milk.
Hawthorne: (makes blooping noises)
Spawn: (laughs) Yep, I’m thirsty.
Hawthorne: Thirsty birdie.
Spawn: Want some milk?
Hawthorne: (more blooping noises)
Spawn: (puts glass of milk where Hawthorne can slurp some up and he does)
Hawthorne: (belching noise)
Spawn: Pretty good, eh?
Hawthorne: Cheese.
Spawn: Tastes like cheese, or do you want some cheese?
Hawthorne: Cheese and crackers.
Spawn: MOM! Hawthorne wants cheese and crackers!
(Me: Well, give him some! Spawn gets a little piece of cheese and a cracker and holds them out to Hawthorne)
Hawthorne: (munches cheese, throws cracker on the floor of his cage) AWK!
Spawn: Not the right cracker?
Hawthorne: Graham cracker.
Spawn. Cheese and graham crackers? That’s yucky!
Hawthorne: Chicken.
Spawn: It’s 7 o’clock in the morning! I’m not making you any chicken!
Hawthorne: (makes a razzberry noise)
Spawn: No. No chicken. If you edge over here, I’ll give you a little poke, though (said in a very sweet voice)
Hawthorne: AWWWWK! Kiss the birdie!
Spawn: No bird kissing.
Hawthorne: Chicken.
Spawn: No, gosh darn it! No chicken and no bird kissing! It’s too early!
Hawthorne: Gimme a dollar.
Spawn: WHAT? I don’t have a dollar! What would you do with a dollar anyway? You’re a bird! You’re in a cage.
Hawthorne: (mumbles a little) Chicken.
Spawn: Oh, you’d use the dollar to buy chicken?
Hawthorne: Uhn huhn. (bobs head)
--at which point, Spawn can’t hold it in any more and laughs so hard he has to sit down on the floor—

Spawn: You sure are a smart birdie.
Hawthorne: You’re a sweetheart.