Fey Times at Chez BoS

I have a lot of fairies in my life. This is not always good, despite the whimsy that evokes. Before I got married and had kids, and I should mention that despite the fact that there's a 7 year difference between when I got married and when we started having children, the two events have run together into a psychological singularity of before and after, as in "before I got married and had kids, I had money to burn and was young and lovely" or "since I got married and had kids I haven't had a minute to myself".

Anyway, before IGMAHK, there weren't so many fairies. There was the Relationship Fairy, a non-gender-specific targeting entity who found the exact moment to pop into my or my boyfriend's head and make us do something stupid enough to cause the relationship to end. She would show up later on and start a new one, so I guess she's neutral. Then there was the Pimple Fairy, who could be counted on to counteract all non-acne inducing dieting and skin care and produce a large, mid-facial monstrosity grotesque enough to make me worry about nuclear waste and having possibly absorbed a less viable twin while in my mother's womb, which would, just before prom or a big date, make a sci-fi appearance at the end of my nose.

Since IGMAHK, the fairies have multiplied. They deserve a list. Some of them are mine and mine alone, and the others, I just have to live with because the other people in my live have them. Here they are:

The Indoor Chore Fairy: I have deduced that my husband and children believe firmly in this fairy. She cleans spills, does laundry, dusts, mops, rearranges furniture, de-clutters, and washes dishes -- all in the middle of the night when they're not looking. Therefore they can leave stuff and stickinesses everywhere and when they wake up, things will be clean and fresh and not lying in the middle of the floor collecting footprints and dog hair. My family hasn't made the connection between the ICFairy and the dark circles under my eyes. She doesn't visit as often as she used to, in spite of a larger ginseng component in the family budget.

The Outdoor Chore Fairy: My children believe in this one. She turns off dribbling hoses, sweeps the stoop, mows the lawn, weed whacks, removes yard debris, kills ants and yellowjackets, trims dead leaves and limbs, waters the flowers, plants seeds, cleans the pool, picks up floaties, takes out the garbage, removes dog doody from travel routes, and composts. I wish she'd come back when it's hot and humid out because my husband and I are exhausted from picking up her slack.

The Dinner Fairy: Gets dinner ready by 6 pm most days, 7/365/forever, whether there's anyone there to eat it or not. In fact, when we've all been somewhere all day and come in at 7 pm, my spouse and kids are amazed if she hasn't been there to leave something succulent steaming and bubbling on LOW in the oven for them to exclaim over upon our arrival. And, guaranteed, if we're hungry, she missed us on her rounds, if we're sated, she's been there and left a pork roast in the crock pot. The kids have found her less than susceptible to fast food suggestions, and hubby has found out that complaining about her offerings leads to a lot of peanut butter sandwiches and an empty fridge. I pay homage by being constantly amazed and loudly vocal about her ability to provide nutritious food on a shoestring budget.

(gird yer loins, more fairies tomorrow)