WHAT SAHMS DO WHEN YOU'RE NOT LOOKING

I was asked, a Friday or two ago, what I was doing that day. Here's my reply:

Sending out resumes, checking the want ads, watching the kids, doing laundry, making bread, cheering up my husband, trading emails with a bookstore owner who wants me to run a knitting class for beginners out of her back room, balancing the books, paying bills, cleaning the toilets, following through with the kids to make sure they do their chores, reading a page at a time in a book, working on a potential entry for the next knitting contest, teaching the bird to say "Curses, foiled again", petting the dog -- who's very nervous because of a thunderstorm, planning to go spend Sunday with my Dad in the nursing home while my husband readies himself for checking up on his increasingly daffy parents on Saturday, figuring out what will keep the kids appropriately occupied while we’re taking care of elderly parents, paying Dad's bills and balancing his checkbook, doing the grocery shopping, vacuuming up dog hair and bird seed, dusting, taking my husband's work clothes to the dry cleaners, wiping the goddamned kitchen counters AGAIN, sweeping the kitchen floor and wishing to crap it were self-mopping, scheduling an emergency appointment with the orthodontist for my oldest, calling a friend who was feeling really close to suicidal earlier this week, helping my daughter plan dinner, following up on kid chores again, checking with my oldest about his plans for the evening and Saturday, figuring out when I'm going to get my 30 minutes of exercise in, blogging, reminding my youngest about doing homework EARLY...

I am not, however, cleaning my “self-cleaning” oven, which desperately needs it. Won't get to that until everyone goes back to school and work because if I do it when they're here, they all complain about the stink and keep interrupting me, telling me "that can't be right" or turning it off, like complete idiots.

Sometime late this evening, when my B vitamins run out, I may join my husband in the living room to watch TV. I usually get to see about 20 minutes before I fall sound asleep, snoring and drooling, on the couch. If I manage to sleep all the way through to my usual wake-up time, 4:30 am, that'll work out well, since I'll be closer to the coffee pot. It would also be unique, as I haven't slept through the night since 1987, when Spawn was born.

So, tell me about your day.